If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
