my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
