I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
