you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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