I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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