You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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