3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
