your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
