I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize