Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
