we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
