Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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