Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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