I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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