apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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