everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
