my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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