Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
