I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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