just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize