just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you traded sex for a burrito?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
