I accidentally burped into my bong.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
