I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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