his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
