Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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