highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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