Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
