I think my vagina is haunted
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
