dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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