I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
