A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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