Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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