I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
