"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
