i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
