You really coming over, don't trick.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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