I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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