Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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