Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
did i walk over a car last night?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
