So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
