yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
