i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
