Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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