Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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