that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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