I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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