I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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