my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
