yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
