the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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