There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I need to calm my uterus...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
