Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
