enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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