The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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