i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
