Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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