they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
