when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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