i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
