I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
