We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
