I could have mohawked her pubes.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
