final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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