I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
