Your mouth is God's brothel.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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