At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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