they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
