i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
