I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you inspire me to be a worse person
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
